Friday, July 6, 2007

thnks fr d memories...

The school bell rings one last time
And the child looks on,
Myriad memories in her mind,
She watches the half-abandoned playground.
“Is this the end?” a voice within her asks,
Bereft of an answer, the question
Transcends her mind and echoes in her heart.

Melancholy clouds of gray
Encapsulates her world…
And then a thread of familiar light emerges,
Radiating signs of a
New beginning, the answer.
Lead me then, O’ Beacon of Hope and Expediency,
Guide me into the new day.



Had written this one during my concluding days of high school…
Nostalgia strikes hard…

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

washed away...

It has been raining incessantly since last night…and hence we are all grounded in our dwelling…this enforced redundancy is not new to me but today it somehow seems different.
My dad has decided to fritter his serendipitous holiday by helping my mom make ‘khichdi’ and ‘ilish maachh bhhaja’…a concoction I am not particularly fond of…my elder sister, usually out all day with her boyfriend, has resorted to inviting him over for the day (yes, they are inseparable…come rain, come shine!!!), and I am once again, in one of my highly unreasonable sullen moods…rain makes me pensive…rain makes me melancholy… nevertheless, I love rain more than I love any other natural phenomena!
I stare into the new-fangled lake, created due to inundation, in my backyard…the water flows from one end to the other, absolving the periphery over and over again…when I was younger, I used to set sail my paper boats in this lagoon, and watch it cruise along the contours. But I cannot do that anymore, not because I think it is juvenile or ridiculous…because I have lost the faith to place all my dreams in my rickety ships of hope…I lack the courage to see my dreams sink into the dirty blue of reality.
I used to be quite the idealist, but time and trauma has made me the cynic that I am…now I envy those with faith, those who can sleep in peace knowing that God or some other omniscient energy will guide them to their destiny…
I look up from the serenity of my backyard and stare into the newly-bathed foliage behind our house that used to be a cemetery…the green hues look greener than ever before…it looks as if the spirits have all come out to witness the irony of God’s rejuvenating tears falling on their shadowy graves…I see an old lady looking out of her apartment window…she catches me looking at her and gives me an acknowledging smile…I smile back. The deluge has an exceptional ability to make us all feel united…a thread of common circumstances…a feeling that we belong in this moment, in this place…together, amidst the sound of the pouring rain and the aroma of the usual ‘rainy-day’ lunches!!!

Sunday, July 1, 2007

All that I am...

The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are.But most people in this world don’t even know what they are…okay…maybe not most…but I divulge, I am yet to figure out who I am…yes, it is a pathetic and exasperating state to be in, but here I am, stuck in this purgatorial rut since time immemorial…
Sometimes I feel like I am better off not knowing who I am…maybe the revelation of my inner self will distress me…maybe I am some form of monstrosity incarnate or maybe I am just like everyone else…who knows??? As of now, I am abso-bloody-lutely clueless about myself…so to satiate my curiosity, I have resorted to taking personality tests online…and here is what I have found…
1.That I am dignified, spiritual, and wise. Always unsatisfied, a seeker of knowledge and often-buried in books.
2. That I have a 48% chance of living to 100
3. I have been ruined by American culture
4. My Italian name is Lia Russo
5. I am Timeless,Stylish,Sophisticated,Overpowering,Intimidating,Dominant, Perfectionist,Controlling,Competent…all because I like the color black!

Okay, these answers don’t really tell me what I want to know…although, I confess, they amuse me immensely…so how do I know which road to take to embark upon my journey of self-discovery???
How do I know which way to go???

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

A moment of inner freedom...

I had made up my mind never to start a journal or a blog because of cataclysmic circumstances resulting from scribbling down my random lunacies…so ennui seems to have taken precedence over my fortitude…who the hell cares, anyway!!!
My day, so far, has been an utter waste…apart from taking my dog to the vet and reading the comic strips from today’s newspaper. Life’s a drag!!!
It’s weird how when you are faced with pandemonium, you crave to attain some modicum of normalcy, and when your life is customary, you would give up anything to get back to bedlam…my life has been over brimming with chaos and drama ever since I can remember…and now when things are finally settling down…I am already jaded of this somnolent serenity…they say, the grass is always greener on the other side…but my side right now doesn’t even possess a single friggin’ blade!!!

“...I can place myself anywhere inspace or time.I can summon the dead.I can
perceive events on other worlds, in my deepest inner mind,& in the minds of
others,I can I am”-JIM MORRISON